I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
