Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
