i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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