so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
