last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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