He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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