I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
