You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
