the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
