If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think im going to throw up on grandma
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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