At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
