Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What a dumb baby whore.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
