Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
