Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize