Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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