yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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