Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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