forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
