im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
