he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
