are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
