By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
