I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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