DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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