I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
