I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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