question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
