fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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