My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
