Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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