she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
