I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
