I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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