After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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