sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
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I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
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I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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