Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
