I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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