I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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