I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
