if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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