I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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