The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
