Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
