I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
