tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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