Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
