i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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