i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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