my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
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I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
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she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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