It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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