well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
