i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
