Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
