The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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