She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
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so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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