arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
