My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
