no, he came in my armpit
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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