Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
