God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
