i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
