I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
