i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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