This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
