If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
